Sunday, February 19, 2006

the reason I've not come back


renewing correspondence with a dead poet.


The following is the dream that I was having such a hard time transcribing, hence the backlog here. The hard work being I just didn’t want to bring myself to relive this dream. It’s not particularly disturbing as far as my disturbing dreams go. It’s just so involved.

I’d considered not even posting it, but then it would compromise the entire purpose of this blog, which is to have an uncensored record of my subconscious (as much as possible). And besides, who’s reading anyway? Maybe ten people? Here it is:


Tamuz: a stage play / movie

I go to PA with a guy—not sure if he’s my lover or my brother. We get to the McCrae’s in Pa. The daughter Kristin wants to go to the Stop & Shop to buy a houseplant so we take her (I’m just along for the ride) in his big blue truck. He brings us to the Shoprite. I don’t say anything about it not being the right place and neither does she. There, we go our separate ways. Then I ask her, she says “Stop & Shop.”

We tell him. He wants to go to McDonald’s first. I said let’s go to Stop & Shop first, then bring her home then go to McD’s.

“I know you’re hungry,” I said, “ but she’s hungrier.” She smiles at me knowingly—this is sweet-talking him into doing what I want him to do. He’s my lover, I guess. So he comes out of the parking lot driving a big RED truck. I whisper to Kristin.

“That’s not the truck we came in on, is it?” She shakes her head. We’re immediately on guard. The truck is red, no Vermont plates. New York or PA plates, I’m not sure.

We get in and hoped for the best. Thankfully S&S is big. We get inside and wander—there’s lots of security guys in suits to discourage shoplifters.

In one aisle of candy I notice a multi-pack of gum and tear it discreetly so I can get the Juicy Fruit (I meant to actually buy it). Sticking my hand in there, I realize that the Juicy Fruit is half-gone like someone already had the same idea. I bring it to a suited security guy and tell him the problem. He takes it away. I hadn’t seen either person I came with and asked the woman at the jewelry / make up counter where houseplants were, and she pointed behind her to a few small meager plants on a counter.

“Don’t you have anymore,” I asked, walking around the counter. I then notice a big display of them in the hall. Peeked in there and see it’s a hall to the bathrooms. As I’m about to exit (I’ve turned around), I see in line Chuck Edwards. I call to him once but he didn’t hear me. On the second try, he turns around, and I pull him aside.

Actually, he falls face first and he is just a mannequin’s head, a remote-controlled substitute for his actual self. I pick it up. I know he’s got a day off at work. I continue talking to him. I peer back to see if my “lover” is in one of the lines for the bathroom.

He is! He looks much more ragged and scraggly than before. I imagine he’s been up to no good. I’m still holding Chuck’s head in my hands, and maneuver it so he can see what I’m doing: approaching an open stall.

“See the third man down,” I said. “He’s the guy I came with but I think he’s been killing people.” In my stall, I am frantic.

“Where are you,” Chuck’s digitized voice responds.

“The Stop & Shop.” I hung up with him on the mannequin head. But I have a cell phone. Everything is quiet. I try to lock my stall. It sticks, but bolted shut just as a pressure starts to weigh in on the door. It’s obvious to me someone is punching on the door from the other side in order to break it down. I call out: “I’m busy!” and push back against the door. I hate to do it, but I press 0 for the Operator on the newly-found cell phone.

How do I know to come out? Someone says something. Calling made me feel something. Calling who a.) says something or b.) who mislead the public and read those headline, they might understand.

The door is blistered and broken from the pressure. I find the hall empty except for the Woman clutching her baby to her chest, she’d been at my door trying to get me to come out. There’s huge pressure in my ears. What happened? I asked an official-looking someone—“what happened?”

“Something had exploded causing the air pressure to increase—hence the ear problem. But we finally got him,” he said. Meaning, I guessed, the guy I showed to Chuck.

“Arrested him on a scam (in pants),” he said, like it was a lucky break for all of them.

I go back out to the main shop and he’s in handcuffs, officers either side of him. He was getting fingerprinted at the cosmetics counter. That’s how it ended. Lots of credits rolled, Asian people with the last name X.

At the end of the credits appeared the title and a photo of the main actor. It was called “Tamuz” by Andy ____--the first of four plays. The 2nd was “The Love of ____” by Lorca, a farce. Two others after this.