Friday, July 28, 2006

the party life

3-9-6


******

Alan Alda's new film about his life includes him playing ping-pong in a college lecture hall with a guy named Garrick. I'm passing through the front and back doors of the other room. I am so glad I'm not there in the ping-pong room. They keep reminding each other to "get on the luxurious side" before having to serve again.

I'm waking to the alarm a lot but no more dreams to enter into...

******


I was working so hard it was 5 pm before I realized I hadn't taken a break. Andrew let me go anyway.

Where to go? Sarkis (the Lebanese place) was closed. The Grill? Nah. Couldn't sink that low.

I saw in the parking garage the town bus. It would take passengers downtown to Flat Street--someplace I usually like to go. The driver was an elderly woman with white hair.

"When are we leaving," I asked her.

" Four minutes." I couldn't wait. I left.

My break time was probably up anyway. I headed back to the store. At the front entrance, I saw the lights inside are off.

Oh no!

Andrew must have left. I was about to round the back when I noticed Andrew come out of the shadows in his coat. He was smoking a cigarette, waiting. I thanked him--a formality. He unlocked the front door for us. He only intended to say until he lights are back up. It was past time for him to leave.

I went to the back, where the light switches are and had trouble trying to figure out the configuration. There are three long rows of buttons and switches. More lights than I even know about. One button activated the new sign out in the window. It looked like the bullseye logo for Target department stores. It's blue on blue with letters spelling out the word, "books". It started thumping like a heart. I don't think any of us knew that was possible. It looked cool so I left it on. Andrew had put on some trance-like / lounge-y music. Coupled with the sound of the heartbeat, I felt like we were in a danceclub. People entered in in droves.

Finally I got lights situated well enough for people to read by and for us to see everyone by. Up at the counter with Andrew was a friend of JK's--someone who looked like him. I went over to greet him.

We kissed in the European style. I was managing the store like a party. Having to go to the kid's section and figuring out the lighting there. Came back and saw JK and the counter.

We kissed heartily in greeting.

It was so good to see him. God, I can see him so clearly in my mind even still. Burgundy shirt. I hung out at the counter with the boys for a little bit and went into the crowd some more. They'd started an impromptu reading. Someone was reading a story--a girl. And many people near the front of her audience were listening.

Then I realized that the underwear / shorts I'd beenwearing were really sloppy. They'd grown too large and you could see underneath it sometimes when I walked and it shifted off center. Throughout this dream: I started off naked and then at the store again, wearing normal top with cute "cancer" panties--comfortable and fitting. And while working there, they've become loose, a little worn and white.

I was embarrassed and went to bathroom to see if there's anything I to do about it. Especially embarrassed as JK was here and had to see that. I tried turning it inside out, backwards, whatever. Only slightly better, but not by much.

Back into the crowd again. I was still aware that Andrew is still working here. No one's keeping him, except the crowd. I was glad he was here, though. He knew he could leave if he wanted to. While in bathroom, I decided to change my bra. Had it loosely over my breasts and asked A or JK to clasp it for me behind.

"Can I clasp it for you," Andrew joked. And he did. And I sidled up close to JK to hang with him. He muttered to himself, "Would you kiss Ruby on the lips and forehead... would you kiss... Phayvanh wouldn't." Ruby was at the door inside, and Rose was outside talking to someone. He was gonna go kiss the dog--she looked like she needed it.

He then also announced he was leaving--going back to NY. I tried to play-act sad, put on a pout-lipped face, but he wasn't budging. I wanted to ask him so many things but time wasn't enough.

I remember that in the end, I probably left Andrew to close up the store and count the change and all that. Felt badly about it, but it happened the way it happened and it's all right in the end.

*******

Female in mental ward finally realized that she's got a "problem".
"This isn't the only place for me," she said to her nurse.
"You're right--it isn't. There are a number of solutions to choose from." Patient was wearing a blue bath robe.

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