Tuesday, December 27, 2005

holiday 2004 dreams


Dinosaurs big and small are outside the Kingpin Bowling Alley. I go visit with Snoop Dogg. People are running late picking me up and I have to field questions until they arrive.

Can a woman conceive? Never again.

Mayan gods—Images of Mary, Latin stories of Amazing Medieval Doctors. Two volumes: K96-1875 and 1875—Before Space. Another “regular” Medic places call from taxi driver who doesn’t know how he’s gonna pay next bill. He’s in NY for a while. Only $$. K and I have to take a message. I’m supposed to not be there.


Snowflakes being naked at Putney. Dinosaurs come into “baby care” to ask him “why do you like out to play”. Books. Grandmotherly type character—Janaki.

How can you know someone in an hour?

“I’m keeping my hat on—blood type or no blood type.”

Me and my “sister” are sitting in meditation, when these two young boys come up.

“Are you Susie and Piven?”

“Yes” They obviously saw the book our dad left for us in the bathroom. Dad couldn’t come to the Island of Ginger with us—and island “spice” in the Caribbean. Me, my brother and Mom are vacationing there. The country house is deserted.

Some SIT students come into store and ask in another language (Spanish I think)… if I know where she can get cases for her glasses. I draw her a map to LensCrafters. Later I realized that Wal-Mart would have been the better place.

And I see a family on vacation. The brother hands his mom some singles to pay for something. She responds just like my mother would have.

Ann and Andrew were decorating the store with big fake snowflakes, to my horror, after all my work.


Dreamt about working at bookstore again…


Jesse and friends at a museum-thing that my friends and I are also attending. Justin’s also there. Lots of other high school pals (more people here than at my actual 10 year reunion). I catch up with both guys and try to make plans.

A used-to-be-close-female-friend wants me to go with her to OWL—a health spa in NV. I tell her I can’t afford to go to NV. She doesn’t offer help.

Also gazing at a burnt out building downtown (other side of Burrows Oil).

At some summer program I was a part of. At closing ceremonies, I was asked to please go up. Saw DB in audience as I was going up. It was supposed to be a huge event. Two buildings. Broadcast on National TV. I was only asked 15 minutes beforehand and so didn’t prepare anything. I kissed DB before I went up and I told him this.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “you’ll be fine anyway no matter what. You’ll be wonderful.”

Even though I had tested the mike beforehand, it was shorting out on me or I couldn’t tell if it was working so the whole time I was fidgeting with it. I decided to do a rambling monologue, starting off with, “I’ve never done anything like this before…” The audience was insulted.

There were people coming and going, talking and lots of empty seats. Basically, I stunk. Huge lapses of silence.

I tried, “What I remember about the summer…” and I could only remember one thing. Now more people were filing in and I said thanks for coming, make yourself comfortable, as if I were the MC or something instead of some act.

Finally one of the program guys came on stage and sat on a chair and asked me to sit down. He asked me to look over my right shoulder. I saw several eager guys there watching me, and not really understanding, I spoke into the mike—“Thank you,” and walked off, which I guess was exactly what I was meant to do—my 20 minutes wasn’t even up.

I walked back to DB, whose first words were, “What happened?” I shrugged. I hadn’t frozen exactly, I just had no idea of what to do.

“You should have,” he said, “talked to the head guy and asked him if there he had any suggestions.” Advice too late, and we walk off to a church where we meet his parents.

The summer program was mostly beachside. I remember strange ocean creatures and laying in the sand and having the warm water roll over me, naked as I was. That was what I was trying to describe this to the audience, but was at a loss for words.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I said as we walked away. I love performing and being on stage. “Maybe,” I said, “I’m just better at being an MC and I am an entertainer.” But really (even though this was a dream) I think I was trying to rationalize the whole experience instead of admitting that I was unprepared for one of the biggest opportunities of my life. That’s the lesson.


Planets other science. The bookstore. Andrew chilling with friends. Being polite. I was so polite and charming in my dreams.


MK was crashing on the living room futon of my friends Chris and John. I sneak in late one night to crawl in with him. He takes me in. Struggles with himself a moment then kisses me a lover’s kiss. I think that I ought to try doing this when I can get away with it. I still need to be careful. DB’s somewhere…

So much more to my dreams—is that all I remember?

Peter is rumored to have snuck away from a German Army during some outdoor BBQ / picnic. He caught a balloon and floated out of sight. The Germans were a little indifferent—one less person to kill I guess.


Dream place was a cross between downtown and seaside, windswept beach town. Cross between community bustle and seduction place


Trying to get to a costly dinner before going to another place—with K + Chuck.

I’m at some mother’s circle, adoring the kids and being fed spiritually by them.

Spontaneous bus trip to Springfield. I ask them at terminal if there’s a fee for a tour. We wait—another woman also wants to take the tour. There’s a conference at her hotel. Soon she’s joined by other conference goers all women and we’re signing up for this tour. I have to make sure that I have enough money for thte trip back home. The TV in the lobby shows the beginning of the movie “The Black Stallion”.


One pill makes you a large maniacal giant bent on destruction. Only works on pairs. Two students (I was one student). It broke our friendship. Close friend of Monroe has publicity a lot.

That’s Ly’s house.
Books in country store
Film Fest
and all my boys
+ VT Bread working

Teeny hippo eat octopus at exotic pet store


Concepts in Time. Xmas dinner with Chris and Lise.

Working as a domestic in big mansion. I was caught going through Dr. Knoll’s stuff in his room. Was brought down to have talk with him and another resident doctor. They were reminded of my “grief” and suggested that I talk to doctors and / or go to church, except that the church we lived in was a boys’ school / church and I would be out of place—Petra is scheduled to move in during March. We try to convince them she is a girl, but they have a hard time conceiving it.

Lao convenience market. I am buying up so much produce. The car is a table that when parked in the wrong spot, someone puts a price tag on it to sell. They all [unreadabe] a try in the market as I am buying.


I am the successor to Bill Bryson, the headmaster about to retire from his post. This replacement was of the natural calendar, yet of a sudden, Mr. Bryson fell ill and into the hospital, where he remained. He therefore was unable to introduce me to or train me for the job.

I got on the PA system that next morning, as he had done every morning. I read the following speech to the children. He’s dictated it to his mother from his hospital bed. [these are the parts I can remember]

“Hello there. How old are you? You are between 9 + 12 years old. Tell me then, my child, what through your lens eye will still be here 15 to 20 years from now…? I have not become a york pork [unreadable] in the pork jelly contest. But I have followed my __ God (and he led me successively back to nature). I am a follower in the Natural World.

“(I encourage you wander thusly, to see what you find. Our hearts are tiny true gods)”

Start causing(?) tape recorder for these moments and college coeds.

I visited with someone I didn’t normally see. The interaction was useful and friendly.

I couldn’t control car I was driving. Esther was in car. I know we were climbing. I couldn’t break so had to drive right into the drift. DB said, “Don’t accelerate!” But I couldn’t help it. It was about healthy…

DB wrote an article on the storm started by the meteorite that we witnessed flaming through the sky as our car was going berserk. The opening line had the date. “worst storm in history.” So many people displaced that women were being called into the workforce, just like in WWII.

“Women didn’t swallow work. It swallowed them, and sometimes it swallowed a lit candle and a helpful tune.”

Portland = Porto = red “wood”. Indian Country.


Viewed the video “Goodbye Girls” at the filmmaker’s house. I’d already seen it and wanted something else.

Who was it that I loved, then betrayed? I’m led into a house late one night where two members of my family stood with guns ready to kill—which they did. I turned my back on them that moment on—how could you, my gaze seemed to have said.

I was technically part of the sinister conspiracy at that moment. I turned, I regretted it. Father? Killer or killed? Mother? Brother? It was all familial. Or was this the part of some movie that I already saw?

I almost gave the filmmaker advice or tell him whatever we didn’t like about it before the group sat down to watch it.


Trust your gut. Verify facts.


Tornado crashing through the sky. Chases anyone with a cell phone which when thrown, is gobbled up by the tornado, delivering a power boost. It becomes much more terrifying…

An evil-doer know about it but didn’t help us. We’ve been cornered by them. We’ve set loose some gas to smoke them out. We’re trying not to breathe. They’re trying to get us to sip something—fighting. We do anyway. Nothing. Take breaths of air from open window behind us, still trying not to breathe the toxic gas. Trick’s on us. They are poisoning us from the outside.


Summary of dreams last night—my parents. Getting a ride from summer camp. Dexter a story character, a little like Clint Eastwood. A movie festival. Sully Other boys. DB frowning. Peeing, clogging up the toilet. Too many people in my dreams. Way too many.


Too much work—it’s overwhelming working with Marcel Hannah doesn’t show up. At camp we have to do dinner we learn too late. We were sitting around singing songs. Before that, somewhere where in the dark, mice. Chris + Lise are there + DB. We shut off the light, then hunt them with a flashlight + video cam. In another room I encounter a bigger, stronger creature, a large rodent. Call to them. It seems rabid. My friends handle it and convince me that it’s a neglected, malnourished dog, which of course, it is.


malacan macalan macalan


Jack Russell Terrier + sock monkey play catch swimming in a pool—on my back, doing laps. Exploring the garden. I’ve been here before, but a different part of it. All of this with DB.


At the park on Elliott Street. There’s a choir sing dress rehearsal. I am robed, but hadn’t been practicing with our choir so will not sing. Barbi Burrington’s premie baby is in a container on the bleachers. It already fell off once.

I lost the keys to apartment and hotel room and tried to sneak back up the Latchis Hotel to find them. Couldn’t.

Finding mastodon bones / crystals.


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